You Need Not Attack To Win the Tour

What follows has really nothing to do with actually winning the Tour de France. Of course you need to attack to win. Or, at the very least, you can follow somebody else when they attack, then kill ‘em in the closing time trial.

No, the kind of attack we’re talking about today is the kind that assaults the eyes. The kind that makes you wonder if there’s anybody in a WorldTour bus capable of saying no. It’s the kind of attack that ends up with kit like this:

Really, Sammy Sanchez? What are you, a jockey?

If there was one thing Lance Armstrong was good at during his seven-year run — other than riding his bike very quickly, of course — it was looking the part of a Tour de France leader. No banana suits. No all-yellow bikes. Just a yellow jersey and team shorts. And sometimes a personalized helmet. Or, in other words, act like you’ve been there before.

When Thomas Voeckler took over the race lead this year, he’d been there before — a 10-day run in yellow in 2004. But he was all over the map in terms of style.

Black and yellow shorts.

All black shorts.

And the complete banana ensemble, but without the yellow bike.

There’s a line in Bull Durham when Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) is talking to Nuke LaLoosh (Tim Robbins) about the latter’s shower shoes being moldy:

“Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You’ll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you’ll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press’ll think you’re colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.”

Think classy, you’ll be classy. You think Eddy Merckx wore yellow shorts? Did Fausto Coppi go all pink in the Giro? No and no. Armstrong often canceled his classiness out when he started talking, but you have to admit one thing: He looked good on that bike.

Where is all of this going? Behold, your 2011 Tour de France champion:

Despite his past offenses in yellow, Cadel Evans defined class when he pulled on the jersey after his Tour-winning time trial. Team shorts, yellow jersey, nothing crazy with the bike. His BMC team sported yellow Oakleys on Sunday in Paris. And that’s it. Nice.

Of course, he rode a pretty classy race as well. When gaps opened and nobody jumped to close them, Evans did. When Andy Schleck went off to play in the mountains, Evans wound up the chase and limited his losses. And don’t forget his Stage 4 victory on that long, uphill drag.

Think classy, you’ll be classy. Thank you, Cadel Evans, for winning the Tour with class … and also not looking like a spaz while doing it.

3 Comments to “You Need Not Attack To Win the Tour”

  1. steam shower cabins 20 May 2014 at 9:24 am #

    Never heard of a steam shower enclosure until I ran into this incredible website, so
    glad I did want to have one right away and money permitting will be buying one soon enough

    Feel free to visit my web-site steam shower cabins

  2. corner steam Shower 30 May 2014 at 8:23 am #

    Heaps of functions on these steam showers,
    I’m keen on the multimedia opinion along with
    the lighting style

    Feel free to surf to my website :: corner steam Shower

  3. steam shower unit 5 June 2014 at 6:30 am #

    Read the articles within this site quite a bit, planning to
    take the plunge very soon and buy a steam shower cabin, in all probability just after
    the holiday break

    my weblog: steam shower unit

Leave a Reply