Hey Ansel Adams…cheggout our sweet photo contest!

It only looks arty. It's built like a flippin' Sherman tank.

It only looks arty. It's built like a flippin' Sherman tank.

Want just the rules? Skip to the link at bottom. Interested in longwinded, possibly juvenile preamble? Bless your heart. Me too. Hit the same link.

THE BEGINNING: So awhile back Kent and Jay bought VeloGear from the dudes at VeloNews (or as the industry literati call it, “Inside Communications”). VeloGear in its heydey was rokken like Dokken, but the wares were, well…let’s just sum them up in four words: “Park Tool Pizza Cutter”…uhh…”ish”. The market for those proud beauties is really only so big and with the Park Tool guys engineering everything to withstand a mutuallly assured destruction-type event they were kind of just lasting forever, so things quickly got a little saturated and the much-heralded VG cash cow started kind of limping along back toward the barn.

But that was OK. You see, our heroes had a plan. Wanna know what it was? Want the photo contest rules? Wanna know the secret of invisibility? Click this link to get to The Velo Jones Blog!

Hey Ansel Adams…GET OVER HERE.

Want just the rules? Skip to the bottom. Interested in longwinded, possibly juvenile preamble? Bless your heart. Me too.

It only looks arty. It's built like a flippin' Sherman tank.

It only looks arty. It's built like a flippin' Sherman tank.

THE BEGINNING:
So awhile back Kent and Jay bought VeloGear from the dudes at VeloNews (or as the industry literati call it, “Inside Communications”). VeloGear in its heydey was rokken like Dokken, but the wares were, well…let’s just sum them up in four words: “Park Tool Pizza Cutter”…uhh…ish. The market for those proud beauties is really only so big and with the Park Tool guys engineering everything to withstand a mutuallly assured destruction-type event they were kind of just lasting forever, so things quickly got a little saturated and the much-heralded cash cow started kind of limping along back toward the barn.

But that was OK.

You see, our heroes had a plan. In the back of their minds and possibly over a beer…or 6 they mapped out the path for the new VeloGear. In super-simple words (what choice do I have, really? My lone two brain cells are redlined already), they decided to transform VeloGear into the place that you went to get COOL stuff. I guess the pizza cutters WERE cool, but it’s really a matter of persective. They wanted to sell stuff that THEY thought was cool.

So you saw a lot of the tchatchke-type stuff fade away. Gone were the bike chain bracelets (oh wait – we still have those. We’ll make you a killer deal if you want one), and drastically reduced was their open-to-buy for Park Tool promotional merchandise. That stuff got replaced by goodies from Hincapie, Capo, Jett MTB, Sombrio and a host of other brands that are best-in-class. Big huge flippin’ Jolly Green Giant steps have been taken whereby VeloGear is being transformed from cycling’s online trinket shop into an extension of Kent and Jay themselves – it’s a house of style for stuff that your local shop may not carry.

mario-cipollini-thumbNow our guys aren’t pretending to be Mario Cipollini, but they do put their miles in and they also both have a bit of the tastemaker in them. They’re discriminating and carry what works. And they’ve done a really good job of getting rid of the dogs in the inventory and replacing them with some show ponies.

But one area where we feel as if we’re still lacking is in identity. The voice of the brand. You see some of the irreverance shine through here and in the blog on VeloGear.com, but a picture is worth a thousand words as they say, so we’re turning to you guys to help us out. All of you have probably seen a Patagonia catalog, or something from Marmot, The North Face or Big Agnes. You’ve seen the beautiful captioned lifestyle and action shots taken as the morning mist burns away over a soft righthand break or as a ropeline ascends and disappears into cloudcover from a narrow bivy.

The other Duke

The other Duke

The climbers and surfers have OWNED this sort of imagery ever since Duke Kahanamoku first paddled into the north shore waters and Sir Edmund Hillary bade Tenzing Norgay to fetch him more yak milk for his tea.

Not anymore.

I say, Tenzing.

I say, Tenzing.

We want your shots. From the road, dirt, track or trail. Action shots? Hell yes, but we also want the shots you get:
- as your buddies get their minds right just before a DH run
- as your posse stops to hat up prior to a big climb or descent
- as you goof around trail or roadside busting each other’s chops
- as your fully-loaded tourer points upwards into that lonely road disappearing over the horizon or remote mountain saddle
- as skinny dudes kitted out in spandex engage in full-on post-ride demitasse chugging glory.

The rules are simple:
1. Post your shots on our Facebook fan page. You can get to that bad boy HERE.
2. Include a caption. It should state the location, general frame of mind or any context important to understanding the importance of the shot
3. Is there a product we carry in there? Cool, but not necessary. Let us know.
4. If we select your shot for our website or an e-blast we’ll give you a gift certificate to be used on VeloGear (sorry, we’re all out of the Frederick’s of Hollywood ones) for $25.
5. If we use your shot in our catalog along with a quick anecdote from you we’ll give you a gift certificate for $75.

Not Velo Jones (I'm not that tan.)

Not Velo Jones (I'm not that tan.)

So plug through your archives. Or strive to get the shot that catches the light, the mood and the spirit of it all just right.

Keep those cards and letters coming, baby. We can’t wait to see ‘em.

Your pal,
Velo Jones

VELOGEAR – WHO ARE WE?

"Ummm, we're not twins."

"Ummm, we're not twins."

A few nagging idiosyncrasies aside, we’d imagine that we’re a lot like you – in our lives cycling is a foundation, not an accessory. Bikes and bike gear bring out our inner kid, the one standing in slack-jawed awe as our parents rolled out that first 35lb over-geared, banana-seated freedom-generating monstrosity. Within these pages are items that stirred echoes of that same unbridled joy. That fueled our desire to expand our frontiers. That made us want to pin our ears back and fly.

Enjoy. Because we sure do.
Kent and Jay

Velo Jones’s Diary – VJ Heads to Nebrasky

Small charters now available through Expedia!

Small charters now available through Expedia!

Part One of “Velo Jones Diaries – The Planes, Trains and Automobiles Chapters”

The past two weeks have seen Velo Jones traipsing all over the Central Rockies and points east. Ever wonder about that lone exit dubbed “No Name” off I-70 just before you pull into Glenwood Springs? Stayed there. For 2 nights. In what could charitably be described as an “eclectically heated” short-term rental with mom-in-law, huge dog, 2 crabby kids and patience-challenged wife (lack of sleep stirs her inner Linda Blair). Velo Jones does not require sleep himself, but it’s really a matter of dialing down any sort of requirement to perform anything resembling higher brain function. In other words, when you have two little kids, if you want to preserve any shred of self-esteem you just have to learn to aim low.

Wanna read the rest? Head to the Velo Jones blog…

VeloGear’s Backyard – Velo Jones Goes to Nebrasky

Part One of “Velo Jones Diaries – The Planes, Trains and Automobiles Chapters”
Small charters now available through Expedia!

Small charters now available through Expedia!

The past two weeks have seen Velo Jones traipsing all over the Central Rockies and points east. Ever wonder about that lone exit dubbed “No Name” off I-70 just before you pull into Glenwood Springs? Stayed there. For 2 nights. In what could charitably be described as an “eclectically heated” short-term rental with mom-in-law, huge dog, 2 crabby kids and patience-challenged wife (lack of sleep stirs her inner Linda Blair). Velo Jones does not require sleep himself, but it’s really a matter of dialing down any sort of requirement to perform anything resembling higher brain function that makes that statement possible. In other words, when you have two little kids, if you want to preserve any shred of self-esteem you just have to learn to aim low.

That trip to the Roaring Fork Valley to look at potential homes for the VJ clan was probably the low-point of my/our travels; I enjoyed it (probably because I’m a bit of a whackjob), but I’m pretty sure nobody else did. There were two other trips that qualify as high points over the past two weeks though and I thought I’d take a few minutes to tell you about them. I’m always interested in learning about how others approach training through challenging winter months and over the course of two tripsI got to spend time with some of the folks who are among the very best at it. First up were Kent and Jay from Midwest Cyclery, the parent organization behind four kick-ass multi-brand Trek Concept stores in Omaha, St. Loius and Kansas City. The astute among you (or Kent and Jay’s families) also know these guys as the new owners of VeloGear. I also spent 8 solid hours with Len Zanni, four of them riding shotgun in his pickup and the other four touring the Honey Stinger and Big Agnes operations (of which Len is marketing guy and part owner). That story is upcoming in part 2 of the “VJ on Wheels” travel series.

Nebraska was first, so let’s start there. I flew into Omaha from DIA a couple of Mondays ago. In my mind I see myself as a person with few preconceptions. I’m generally delighted by seeing new places and things, but looking back and realizing that I was so off base in what I thought I’d see as opposed to what I actually did see it’s clear that living in Colorado has made me a little myopic. Coloradans, especially ones that live in ski towns tend to look at the rest of the world like Americans look at Canada – shallowly. Maybe a bit dismissively. Or maybe that’s just me – I’m willing to concede the point that I’m not really a deep thinker. I’m not saying that it’s right, just that that’s sometimes how it is. Mea culpa.

In any case, Omaha (and its airport) were bigger than I had expected. In my mind I was prepared for something the size of Madison’s airport – where you could look out the front door and pretty much see your house from there. Mistake. Omaha’s airport, while certainly not O-Hare, LAX or LaGuardia still isn’t small. I had an “Oh crap” moment when I realized that my deeply embedded lack of orientation skills (again Dad, sorry), were brilliantly showcased through the spotlight of a completely foreign environment. I was kind of lost. And with too many options. With lots of signs shouting at me; “Ground Transportation!” “Rental Cars!” “BAGGAGE CLAIM!!!” Well, maybe they’re just signs to you, but in moments of low-grade anxiety it always seems like they’re shouting to me. A little bit like Alice in Wonderland. Kind of creepy.

Rave-level disorientation. W/O the smart drinks.

Rave-level disorientation. W/O the smart drinks.

The problem as I see it is that when you enter an airport by car your choices are clearly defined into “Arrivals” and “Departures”. Shoot – I can deal with that. What I had a harder time with was finding the sign that said “Here’s where your friends are picking you up, you silly monkey”. If only the Omaha airport would have the common decency to erect appropriate signage for sleep-deprived and brain cell-challenged travelers. And bumbling amateur orienteer-ers. As I was about to engage ‘Commodore 64′ (this is how I’ve come to think of my brain and its mental capacity) and apply it’s frustratingly limited bandwidth towards figuring out an appropriate exit strategy from this fiendishly conceived mass-transit rat maze, lady luck smiled upon me. I looked out the front windows of the airport and saw a black Volvo station wagon parked outside, the silouette of big-haired person sitting behind its wheel. Two possibilities crossed my mind – it was either my mom circa 1988 with a big old can of CFC-rich Aqua Net hairspray at the ready, or it was Jay and his white boy ‘fro.

Jay! YAY!

Jay! YAY!

Not Jay...

Not Jay...

Apparently Omaha’s airport lacks the ability to bend the linear concept of time because I was not transported back 20 years to that awkward period of Forenza sweaters, leg warmers and acid-washed jeans. Instead it was Jay out there. And Kent. Double bonus for me, who if pressed into service as a French Legionairre or forced to embark upon an African Safari would surely be the first among the pith-helmet crew to be mangled by tigers or molested by naughty monkeys. Seriously – I can barely find my way to my own garage. Disaster averted.

Wool Cycling Jerseys! Vintage Horton Prints! Winter Riding Gear (headband not included)!

Wool Cycling Jerseys! Vintage Horton Prints! Winter Riding Gear (headband not included)!

Snuggled comfortably in the warm confines of Jay’s car, he turned the igintion and a husky, cultured feminine voice blurted out “Jay Thomas…IS CONNECTED”. I started laughing. Then so did Kent, and finally so did Jay. Apparently the Volvo syncs with his phone so that he can talk hands-free while driving. Think about that for a minute. Now think about the first cell phone you ever owned. We’ve come a long way, baby.

First order of business: food. We left the airport and much to my surprise, Marlin Perkins from “Wild Kingdom” did not make an appearance. Now I know for a fact that there are not cheetahs and gazelles romping about the plains of the midwest. I know this. Yet at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that Omaha did not look like the African savannah-like image that’s always lived in my head when thinking about Omaha. Soldier on, Velo Jones. Disappointment aside, Kent and Jay did create a parallel – they led me to food. I haven’t actually eaten red meat since Interbike last fall, but today seemed like a good day to break the streak. I heart you brown cow. You are delicious. 14-Marlin-Perkins

From there we took a tour of their stores. They have two in Omaha along with one each in KC and St. Louis, all of them Trek concept stores. Now I don’t know about you, but my inner nerd starts to ping when I wlk into certain places – a William and Sonoma (I’m a kitchen-nerd), any decent Home Depot or Tru-Value, and bike shops. Any bike shop. All of them. It’s like witnessing someone else’s interpretation of bike culture. From a sociological standpoint, it’s pretty cool to see it through someone else’s lens. And their shops are cool – and not just because of all the swank product displayed around the respective sales floors (Project One road stuff, fixies, townies, kids bikes and one BOMBER tricyle – talk about coming a long way – nice job, Trek), but because of the employees rolling in and out on a bitterly cold Midwestern day with their driveside pants-legs pegged, bikes all fendered-up and icycles frozen and hanging from their whiskers. These shops and the folks that live there are core…in the best possible way.

Jay and Kent walked me through their shop systems, pointed out other lines that they carry (Capo, Cervelo, Gary Fisher, Serotta, Mirraco BMX, Campy, Castelli and many, many others), and finally we ended up back at the mothership – their office and warehouse facility. It was there that we got into the meat of “The VeloGear Project”. It’s probably a long and boring story for anyone not actually in the room, so I’ll try to make it short – we talked about how to transition this little company from its roots as the premier place to go for a Park Tool Pizza Cutter to a vibey, cool online retailer that offered all of the hard to get stuff from here and abroad. We talked about how best to get that message across. We talked about great service, value and follow through. About how to provide information and useful consumer reviews along with a broad range of products. We talked about what being a good corporate citizen in the bike world meant in 2010…and we talked about bikes, bike stuff and bike races – the comfortable conversational terrain of lifelong bike geeks.

I know this makes no sense. Trust me.

I know this makes no sense. Trust me.

The fruit of that conversation from a professional standpoint is, well…a little daunting. It’s a tough economy to make “the little engine that could” model work. The competition out there is sophisticated, and in most cases able to call upon far greater resources. But I like our chances. Why? VeloGear wants and needs to be successful. That’s the American way, right? In the words of an old boss of mine “We ain’t here to donate.” Crude, but true. A business has to run in the black. What inspired me about this series of conversations held over the course of two days can be summed up in two sort of generalized observations;

  1. Kent and Jay and just about everyone that works for them or alongside them, whether at retail, as a buyer or as a vendor are cyclists. The Nebraska crew have the bug – and have it bad. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. These guys are core riders; road, ‘cross and MTB. They ride in winter. They ride on gravel roads. They strategically “pre-bonk” in the late winter and spring to simulate race conditions (thanks Kent – that story has generated more laughs than I can tell you). They laugh at their relative isolation from the “hotbeds” of cycling culture and are content just to keep putting in their miles, rain, snow or shine. They walk the walk.
  2. They also care deelpy about doing the right thing for the local, regional and national cycling communities. They want to stay profitable, but they’re committed to providing better-than-fair value to the consumer. It’s completely obvious that they take their obligation as a cycling organization very seriously – they have a loud and powerful voice among manufacturers and they’re not afraid to use it. Put simply, what you guys think about them and the way that they conduct business matters to them.

After a full day of talking shop Jay and I headed off to Lincoln for Indian food (real Indian, not Native American) with his family. The list of deeply held misconceptions about Nebraska continued to grow. Did you know that Omaha is larger than Lincoln…and by a lot? Omaha is roughly the size of Milwaukee or Sacremento. Lincoln on the other hand is about the size of Madison or Boulder (and has a lot in common with those two hipster cities). Also, Lincoln and Omaha are roughly 45 minutes apart. I never knew. Know what else is weird? Trees. TONS of ‘em. After getting over my intial disappointment of not seeing lush, waving grasslands filled with loping giraffes I was actually pretty blown away by how many trees there are – and how undulating the terrain is. I’m not sure that the thumping drums from the opening of Wild Kingdom will ever really leave my subconscious when considering Omaha, but the reality was still pretty cool.

Dinner with Jay’s family went about as expected. Jay’s wife is still one of the smartest people I know. His kids are charming – they’re polite and engaged. They look you in the eye when they talk and their not really self-conscious about being kids. And yet at the same time you can tell that they’re the cool kids at school, but without the attitude that sometimes accompanies that particular mindset. Living in a resort town we see a lot of sullen teenagers that project attitude in place of actual confidence. That’s part of being a kid I know, but I really hope that my two kids can look a little bit like Jay’s as they grow up.

Remember how I told you that I don’t need sleep? Jay put me in a guest room on an air mattress with about 10 blankets. I didn’t think to ask why, but I was glad to have them when the temp in that room dropped to absolute zero that night. Strangely, those are ideal conditions for me and minus the omni-present background noise of coughing and crying toddlers (always a fixture at my house), I slept like the poster child for Ambien. I woke up to a fragrantly powerful pot of fresh-brewed Peet’s then jumped into the kid’s bathroom for my morning constitutional errr, shower.  Despite the curiously fossilized bar of soap (apparently it’s ornamental – the kids use liquid soap), the shower was awesome. Nobody screaming or crying, TONS of hot water and time, sweet time. toilet

From there we headed back to HQ in Omaha, but first we stopped at DeLeon’s, a 24-hour Mexican food drive-through. I liked Nebraska before, but DeLeon’s will make me come back. Breakfast burritos with homemade red chile salsa = awesome. I’m pretty sure that if I lived there I’d weigh 400 pounds. The DeLeon’s folks can burrito-ize properly. Dang.

We met back up with Kent at the warehouse and got back into the meat of the conversation about how to move forward with VeloGear as a brand. How to remain true to ourselves and our friends as cyclists and how to draw more core cyclists to the website. Out of that day came some of the most innovative, consumer-involved thinking that I’ve been a part of since I joined the bike biz over 20 years ago. We plotted out a multi-faceted strategy to support the community, to underwrite events and riders, to upgrade creative elements and communitcations and through all of that, to maintain the brand’s unique voice and to provide you the consumer with better, more relevant and more entertaining information.

So keep your eyes open. There are some big announcements coming from our camp – stuff that’s so cool that it’s really hard to keep it under wraps until it’s finalized. What I can tell you is that it’s going to be a heck of a lot of fun – for all of us.

Next time, my friend. Next time.

Next time, my friend. Next time.

Thanks for hanging in there through this lonnnng preamble about our plans for world domination. Stay tuned for a complete recap of my road trip with Len Zanni, Lance Armstrong’s soft-spoken and good natured mountain goat henchman. I took a trip to Steamboat Springs with him earlier in the week to see the Honey Stinger and Big Agnes facilities and got the firsthand poop on what really happened at Leadville this past year.

Oh yeah. An edict handed down from the new bosses is that we give TONS of stuff away to VeloGear loyalists. So “fan” us on Facebook. Or follow us on Twitter. You’ll be happy that you did. Winner, winner chicken dinner.

Ciao -

VJ

Velo Jones’s Diary: Dawn Patrol – the View is Always the Same

My backyard. Please use image to orient rescue team.

My backyard. Please use image to orient rescue team.

Items in an aspiring skinny guy’s fitness toolbox; cycling jerseys, training books, foul weather riding gear…and a loud alarm clock (paired with an understanding spouse). I’m not sure if any of you read last week’s rant - you know, the hellfire and brimstone one about leaving about 25lbs of cellulite baggage behind (no pun intended), but I’m back with a report on the good, the bad and everything in-between from week one of my quest to arrive at Sea Otter in mid-April with something resembling decent form.

Week One: Prior to coming 100% clean about how much I suck, I will state in all honesty that I came out swinging. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday of last week I got in 2 hours a day of spastic backcountry xc skiing. My training partner is a bit of a dump truck himself – he’s not going to win sprint-distance anything anytime soon, but he’s still faster than me…and always willing to go at the drop of a hat. Never stops smiling either. Of course, he will wander away from time to time and when the trail points downhill you have to wait up, but for the most part I like having him along and he seems pretty stoked to get to go. Also, occasionally he will roll in poo. Or attempt to bring down an elk. Never a dull moment.

Wanna read the rest? Guaranteed to make you feel better about you. Click HERE…

Dawn Patrol – the view is always the same

My backyard. Please use to orient rescue team.

My backyard. Please use to orient rescue team.

Items in an aspiring skinny guy’s fitness toolbox; cycling jerseys, training books, foul weather riding gear…and a loud alarm clock (paired with an understanding spouse). I’m not sure if any of you read last week’s rant - you know, the hellfire and brimstone one about leaving about 25lbs of cellulite baggage behind (no pun intended), but I’m back with a report on the good, the bad and everything in-between from week one of my quest to arrive at Sea Otter in mid-April with something resembling decent form.

Week One: Prior to coming 100% clean about how much I suck, I will state in all honesty that I came out swinging. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday of last week I got in 2 hours a day of spastic backcountry xc skiing. My training partner is a bit of a dump truck himself – he’s not going to win sprint-distance anything anytime soon, but he’s still faster than me…and always willing to go at the drop of a hat. Never stops smiling either. Of course, he will wander away from time to time and when the trail points downhill you have to wait up, but for the most part I like having him along and he seems pretty stoked to get to go. Also, occasionally he will roll in poo. Or attempt to bring down an elk. Never a dull moment.

Taken from the monkey's perspective (the football is just out of the frame).

Taken from the monkey's perspective (the football is just out of the frame).

So. Three days of good effort, even if I do feel like a monkey on roller skates. Making the sweet proverbial love to a football. How can I suck this much? I’ve been XC skiing for 3 years. Not with any regularity, but still…really – am I this uncoordinated? This much of a wuss? I bought edged and shaped gear last year thinking that although it probably wouldn’t allow me to carve a SG turn when pointed downhill, they’d at least it’d alleviate the undistilled and abject terror that accompanies anything but flat or uphill terrain.

Wrong.

 Skiing has turned out to be one outlet of many for getting my matabolism up and my blood flowing, but it’s not the only one. Thank goodness…because I’m just horrible at it. I don’t know about you, but there’s something about the metronome-like quality in most outdoor pursuits that puts my mind at ease and allows me to reapproach stuff from life, work, community or whatever else with a fresh perspective. If skiing were my only tool I’d never figure anything out. Too busy fearing for my own life, I guess.

I’m getting way off track.

Above in the first paragraph I mentioned things you need to get fit – gear, knowledge and commitment. Know what you need most? Time. I’m having a hard time figuring it out. We’ve got two little kids, one massive dog and an honest-to-goodness job – all of which require engagement along with a fair amount of care and feeding both in the literal and figurative senses. I think that the concept of commitment is closely paired with the ability to manage time properly and to best effect. In my case, I don’t seem to have much time. The dog needs walking, the kids need loving, the house needs cleaning and the blog needs writing. Among other things, I’m also easily distracted. Kind of like a clucking hen. Honestly, I seem to have the attention span of a 12 year-old. Come to think of it, that really shouldn’t come as a surprise.

Oh look – a review of the new Motorola Droid! Be right back…

You get the picture. Damn web browsers and their capabilities to keep multiple tabs open. I was so much more productive when there was less distraction. I don’t want to imply that I’m the only one that’s challenged by time management or having a family – clearly I’m not, but I do have limited innate weapons with which to address my stunningly poor ability to focus. And because of that, once I’m sitting at my desk I’m sort of locked in for the day. So early workouts during the work week are it – either that or late nights on the trainer.

I have yet to bust out the trainer, but I’m guessing that it’ll make an appearance this week. I just can’t ski every day and feel good about it. As a nod to my preferred discipline I may mount up my mountain bike instead of my road bike. (Point of information: it’s not actually MY road bike – my friend Keith loaned it to me about 8 years ago when I crushed an artery in my hand in a mountain bike fall. Yes, 8 years. It’s a USPS Trek 5500 if that helps. And yes, apparently I am that guy.) In any case, I’m actually shipping it back to Keith so I may not have a choice about which bike to put in the trainer – I’m really looking forward to the noise that a 2.4 tire generates tho’. Stoked about that.

I’ve also been to the gym a few times – but I stink at that too. Gyms weird me out a little bit. I’ve been working with a trainer here in Breck named Scott Ferguson…and he’s awesome, I just can’t seem to tear away from my desk consistently to meet with him. What I have learned from him are some basics about raising metabolism – making your big muscles wake up and fire off until they croak…over and over and over and over. After a workout with him there’s no doubt left that very few people in the world gave more than you did on that day…and you feel it. I walked like one of the dudes from Monty Python’s Flying Circus for almost a week after the first time we met. Gleaned from Scott’s warm embrace were certain facts about how your body works and what you need to do to keep it humming along, happily consuming calories in the background. Add rapid-fire push-ups, sit-ups, squats and spints to the regimen. Check. Awesome.

Food is another issue. I love food. Love it. I’m the primary cook in our house and that’s both a good and a bad thing. In general, I cook responsibly – light on fat and sugar, heavy on lean protein and veggies. The problem is eating balanced meals with consistency – deconstructing a lifetime’s worth of poor eating habits has been and continues to be a challenge. I’ve read the Schwarzbein book cover-to-cover, so I understand the need to eat both frequently and thoughtfully, but I’m just not there yet. Step one is having the right stuff in the house to munch on and step two is actually doing it. And my wife keeps making chocolate chip cookies…which are not only good, but very possibly the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever eaten – a bit of oatmeal, a pinch of cinnamon, brown sugar instead of white. They’re a cruel torture device designed to test my willpower. And they’re my Kryptonite. I love you, chocolate chip cookie…

So there are my tools; skiing, hiking/running/riding the trainer, frenzied calesthenics, sporadic trips to the gym, eating right, not eating wrong and trying to get up early.

For week one I’d rank myself on a scale of 1-5 with 5 representing right-wing fanatacism (or left-wing I guess) the following way:

  • Exercise: got out 4 out of 7 days. Ranking: 3
  • Diet: tried to eat frequent balanced meals. Actually ate a lot of flour-based food…including cookies. Ranking: 1
  • Getting up early: actually did it the 3 days that I tried, but plan was mucked up by a teething baby and a few sleepless nights. Ranking: 2

So on a scale of 1 through 5 (again, with 5 being awesome), my average for exercise, diet and time management was…wait for it…was a 2. Lame.

They're right - the view really IS always the same...

They're right - the view really IS always the same...

I know that I’m not the first person to suffer from lack of commitment and follow-through. In fact, there are some incredible examples of people who’ve demonstrated laudable willpower and resolve. I’m not there yet. But I’m trying.

So how did your week go?

Thanks for tuning in,

Velo Jones

I am the Nina. The Pinta…

…THE SANTA. MARIA!

(Caution -  The easily offended should veer off HERE.)

Zack de la RochaThat one line from that one song has always had a crazy effect – it’s like someone stomped on in to my personal mental cave and started poking the ill-tempered bear that lives there. Belligerently. Willfully. Gleefully. Infuriatingly. Waking it up from it’s slumber and prodding it into a red haze of anger and pain, making it cast about for an outlet for its rage.

If you’re anything resembling the “40-year old 12-year old” that I am that headline makes the tribal drums in your head pound annoyingly where your demons lurk, rousing them from their uneasy slumber. I’m not talking about the demons of Excess, Incivility or Apathy, or the worst of all, the dreaded demon Entropy. I’m talking about the demons you once harnessed and ruled like an angry, vindictive and all-powerful god, keeping them in line with thunderbolts of will. These are the demons that made you the guy (or girl) you USED to be.

Remember? You used to be the rider that could drop a bag full of  hammers on the weekly group ride; that could lever themselves out over the abyss, where angry clouds brood over thundering waves of lactic acid as they pound angrily against your own personal cliff of anaerobic threshold. You used to be able to pitch a flipping tent there. You were hard. Lean. Fast. Maybe you were the fastest. Maybe you weren’t. But damn-it-all if you weren’t the toughest. Nobody could outsuffer you. You were the physical manifestation of  the railgun from Quake. railgunLoaded up with testosterone and shooting to maim. You were bad-ass. Indomitable. The giver of  hurt. The bringer of pain. The experiencer of joy.

That. Was. Yesterday.

In the physical universe we occupy and in adherance to linear time as we know it, perhaps that was a decade ago. Or even just last summer. Shoot – maybe you have yet to be that rider. Whatever. Glory is fleeting.

Don’t think that this is about podiums. About lording your dominance over someone else. It’s not. It’s about pitting your lumbering, malevolent, yet somehow useful mental beasts of burden against their equally powerful and omni-present enemies; Excess, Apathy and Entropy. It’s about using your troops to beat those foul beasts whimpering back into their caves. And the battleground isn’t on the road or on the trail. It’s in your head.

The bill for a successful summer is payable in advance. I know it. You know it. You can be that rider again. You can bring that balance back into your life. tonycurrentNot to get all Tony Robbins on you, but the choice is yours. Don’t overestimate what you can do in a week, but never, never, NEVER underestimate what you can accomplish in three months. Shoot – two months. And do you know what two months are? Eight individual weeks. One-by-one, step-by-step, but most importantly, one step at a time.

Do we have the stuff here to help you? You know that we do. Books, training guides, all manner of cycling gear…hell yeah we do. We’re the clearinghouse for the self-trained cyclist. Are we trying to get you to buy it? Who cares? It’s there if you need it, but we’re better served by converting you to full zealotry. By getting you to pound out 90 minutes of intervals on the trainer while sweat drips down your top-tube. By goading you into wrapping every inch of exposed skin in layer upon layer and riding your bike while the sheep cower in front of their TV’s.

So let’s do it together. I’m going to Sea Otter in 3 months. Today at 5′9″ I weigh 190lbs and am kind of built like Captain Kirk. So far today I’ve had two pancakes (no syrup), a bowl of split-pea soup, one chicken breast, one cup of cheddar cheese Goldfish crackers (we have two little kids) and about 26 ounces of beautiful hand-roasted coffee from my buddy Sinjin in Denver. Not exactly the dietary plan of champions. And I’ve done nothing physical all day. Meet me here tomorrow. Let’s compare notes. Because the holidays are over and the new year is here. The cookies are gone and hopefully you’ve passed some of that impacted rib roast from your colon. There’s no better time than right now to take the path less traveled. It all starts with one step.

Take it with me. Raise your fist and march around. Sleep now in the fire.

Meet me here tomorrow. I’m serious.

Velo Jones

suffering

I am the Nina. The Pinta…

…THE SANTA. MARIA!

(Caution -  The easily offended should veer off HERE.)

Zack de la RochaThat one line from that one song has always had a crazy effect – it’s like someone stomped on in to my personal mental cave and started poking the ill-tempered bear that lives there. Belligerently. Willfully. Gleefully. Infuriatingly. Waking it up from it’s slumber and prodding it into a red haze of anger and pain, making it cast about for an outlet for its rage.

If you’re anything resembling the “40-year old 12-year old” that I am that headline makes the tribal drums in your head pound annoyingly where your demons lurk, rousing them from their uneasy slumber. I’m not talking about the demons of Excess, Incivility or Apathy, or the worst of all, the dreaded demon Entropy. I’m talking about the demons you once harnessed and ruled like an angry, vindictive and all-powerful god, keeping them in line with thunderbolts of will. These are the demons that made you the guy (or girl) you USED to be.   Follow me (VeloJones) to our blog to read more.

One Bike to Rule Them All: Bike Lust. Of the MTB Strain.

Our friends over on the “Singletrack” Facebook fan page posted a question the other day that seemed to catch people’s interest. The answers are funny, emlightening and most of all, spread across the entire spectrum of possibility. With their generous permission we’re going to re-post all the responses here.

Enjoy.

Singletrack: If you could pick ONE bike to ride for 2010, and admit that lust, color and bike-porn factor ALL matter, what would it be?

  • Kyle Jones Evil Sect.
  • Noah Meineke Rigid, chum-bucket red karate monkey with flow rims built onto surly hubs. I find beauty in what makes me stronger(a better rider) rather than that which just makes the trail easier to ride.
  • Recycled Cycles What is bike porn factor?
  • Singletrack “What is bike-porn factor?” That quality that some bikes have (and this is admittedly subjective) of inducing drool, elevated heart-rates and a flat-out money-is-no-object-if-i-win-the-lotto-i-WILL-have-one sort of lust.
  • Joe Hanrahan Knolly Endophin, Lyric 2 step, Crossmax SX wheels, Elixer CRs, Joplin Post
  • Edward Freeman Yeti ASR 7
  • Mark Stursma Dream bike acquired – Superfly 100. Now I just need conducive weather. It’s going to be a great year!
  • Richard Serton my Cannondale Rush Carbon w/lefty speed carbon, hollowgram SL cranks and crossmax SLRs
  • Tim Meyer Epic Marathon 29er–Custom Paint Job for high Porn Factor
  • Robert Irwin Pochapin Moots hardtail, Moots stem, bar, seatpoast, XTR group, Cross Max. Who needs paint?
  • Singletrack It’s kind of cool that the perfect bike can be something so different to so many people, yet we can all look at each other’s choices and say “yep – I get that.”
  • Andre A Blur LTc, fox talas 150 32 rlc QR15, fox rp23 w/ boost, oro R1s, XO/XTR, I9 enduros (custom color fade)
  • Matthew Juntunen Santacruz Heckler
  • Matt Rayment Custom Jeffson SS 29er. Rigid. Root beer float paint. Paul Cranks. on one drivetrain. yup.
  • Bruce MacDonald All of the above!!
  • Peter Garnich Sworks Stumpjumper Fsr 29r doesn’t exist yet but this is a dream we are talking about anyway
  • Al Northouse Custom Titus Fireline ti 29′er as a singlespeed.
  • Asa Salas Santa Cruz Tallboy.
  • Fernando Ángel Boada Bustos Canyon Torque Vertride 9.0
  • Elvis Truewheel My 09 beat-up Vassago Bandersnatch!
  • Lauren Ziedonis GF Superfly 100
  • Joe Partridge Surly Long Haul Trucker.
  • Nate Cox Giant Anthem Carbon
  • Mike Zobbe Carbon S-works epic.
  • Paul Lidgard Indy Fab Ti Single Speed with Carbon Lefty
  • Singletrack Oh my…
  • Mark Shepard Turner Sultan 29′r, fire engine red!
  • Art Grunden Gary Fisher Superflu
  • Edward Gareth Jones Trek District Carbon….not for mtb use of course, but on the street…..looks devine.
  • Lisa Cramton Paul – my bf rides the IF/lefty combo & Loves it! ME…. my superfly ss!! LOVE IT!!
  • Superfly Singlespeed. Large with a weight of 20lbs including a Fox RLC fork.
  • Mtb RaceNews Anything with fat knobby-tires and isn’t afraid to get abused!
  • Singletrack Aww yeah, MTB RaceNews! Sounds like you and I are both in the remote adjustable seatpost camp!
  • Jason Lombard Blur XC Carbon with 2.2’s, 70mm stem and a Joplin post.
  • Chad Quigley Salsa Big Mama !!
  • Steve Fuller Singletrack only – My 08 Orange Salsa Dos Niner
    Everything else – My Orange Salsa La Cruz
  • Shaun Timberlake one bike= do everything dream bike? could not go past a Giant Trance X ADV.
  • Brian Ballard Moots YBB, chris king wheels, HS, xo drive train, F100, magic mototrcycle cranks, no lopes paint cuz lopes is a total douche
  • Brian Ballard oh yeah add a speedball post
  • Singletrack I heart me some Brian Ballard.
  • Shauna Potocky It IS my light pink custom Rock Lobster cross bike. It is the greatest bike ever… fits like a dream and my fab black components make it sexy. Bonus: I’m pretty light and don’t need tied and soldered wheels but the extra time was taken to make it that special. Love my bike, love it!
  • Brian Ballard hoooo rock robster!
  • Tom Sillis Aprilla Mille
  • Brian Ballard hey singletrack, sounds like a bromance!
  • Kevin Matteson My 2010 Specialized Enduro Expert has to fill the job this year! She’s off to a rocking start too!
  • Jeff Cospolich Blur LT carbon OR Intense Tracer VP. see, I’m flexible!
  • Singletrack How do you know I’m a bro, Ballard? I could be a Danish sweater model. I’m not, but I could be.
  • Brian Ballard your secret is safe here singletrack
  • Singletrack Secret? I don’t have any secrets. Except those lady-things in my closet. And that one time in college.
  • Dean Payne Chilcotins
  • Joe Albert 2010 TITUS El Guapo with a RC2 coil
  • Curtis Falk Rocky Mountain Altitude 90 RSL
  • Kevin Simons santa cruz nomad. gun metal gray. wait…i already have that bike. well, i’d like another one just like it.
  • Jamie Molitor Trek Remedy 9.9. Ride it. You’ll understand.
  • Chris Way S-Works Epic
  • Anthony Coley Epic 29er
  • Jennifer Flood Yeti Carbon
  • Christopher Joyce Superfly 100
  • Jon Pursley My bone colored Vassago JabberWocky.
  • Singletrack Great. Fucking. Answers.
  • Courtland Keith Niner Carbon One, white, stans wheels, Fox fork, Ritchey stem & bar, setup SS! Built to be raced hard and fast!!
  • Gordon Yeager Titanium SyCip 29er HT
  • Greg Chane Transition Covert
  • Barry McKinnon My Rocky Mountain Vertex RSL – fave bike in the quiver.
  • Pete Luna DEAN titanium hardtail, candy blue powdercoat, xtr group, ti bars and stem and post, chris king everything.
  • Steven Gravenites Steve Potts/John Castellano; Titanium 29′er soft-tail, Fox f29×15mm thru, XTR, DT 190/Stans’ rim> “GravyWheels” of course!!!
  • Seth Ritchie My soul cycles Matador. the bike is pure sex
  • Adam Beck Niner RIP
  • Jon Rizzo One bike?!? That’s crazy talk. The bike means nothing, a means to an end. It is the dirt, rocks and sky that I lust, long days on swoopy trails glistening sweat upon my limbs
  • Jean-Francois Petit paul tomasberg’s xtr di2
  • Lee McCormack S-Works Enduro
  • Denis Chazelle Ventana El Rey FS 29er electric dust black
  • Jeff Moran XTR green Ibis mojo…….. Awesome!
  • Kevin Thompson My 1998 KHS AreoTrack
  • Singletrack Seth Ritchie’s bike is PURE SEX!
  • MIchelle Packer Gary fisher 29r rumblefish
  • Bill Lloyd P.K. Ripper cruiser-size with 200 mm cranks.
  • Scott Skirrow My trusty old Marin East Peak, I love her and she never lets me down. Wouldnt swap her for the world.
  • Mike Kirkmire 2010 S-Works Stumpjumper FSR Carbon
  • Kent Ziegler Yeti ASR-5 Carbon… oh yeah!
  • David Lingle Since it is winter and all…
    Surly Pugsley!!
  • Clare Morris Commencal meta 5 in white ;-D
  • Devon Balet Banshee viento- single speed, stroker white, azonic checker board bars, minute front w/20mm through. SUPER FAST!
  • Judd Myers GF superfly 100, no question
  • Singletrack Devon Balet – gimme a shout!
  • Ross Consalvo garyfisher superfly 100
  • Ruben Slegers A Scott Scale 10 of the year 2005, haven’t seen anything like that since that came out.
  • Kyle Iseminger Yeti ASR 7
  • Marc Campbell Trek Remedy, best all mountain bike I’ve riden! Looking forward to trying the Trek Scratch though, that bike may change my answer.
  • Linden Carlson that’s hard…either my Banshee Amp or my Banshee Paradox. prolly the Amp, it’s got a freecoaster!!
  • Fer Mejia Either Trek Remedy or Santa Cruz Blur xc!
  • Christopher Michael Wedell It would still be my 09 carbon blur, but i’m waiting on putting the full XX kit on it.
  • Steve Pacini I love my Giant Trance X1 but if I could afford another bike it would be the Ibis Mojo HD w/ the Crank Brothers iodine wheels. In the Brain Lopes paint scheme of course!
  • Michael Jay Warren Cotic Soda.
  • Stefan Matza My black and silver RM Slayer!
  • Rui Correia Santa Cruz Blur LT carbon
  • Moses Mexia 2010 RMZ 250…
  • Singletrack Lopes paint scheme? I’m not a big fan of Lopes, but sexy paint is sexy paint. Post a pic!
  • Oscar Mtb santa cruz nomad awsome
  • James Collins Ellsworth Epiphany.

The Legend of Ricky von Ricky, American Cycling Superstar

I guess that the year was 2000. Surrounded by fellow nerds, I was watching Lance Armstrong just abuse Marco Pantani on The Hautacam. It was merciless. I think that all of us sitting there in front of that hideous pre-HD monstrosity (queue my dad’s voice, “…back in my day, we used rabbit ear antennas to watch ‘Laverne and Shirley’ sonny!” Shut it, pops.)  had the same the same thought at the same time; “Armstrong is singling out each and every rider whose abscence or circumstance somehow lessened his victory in 1999 and he’s ripping thir legs off one by one.”

I don’t know if we were right or not, but the hurting he laid on Virenque (held aloft by French apologists as “not having been allowed to prepare properly in 1999″), Ullrich (out due to injury in 1999) and Pantani (wounded pride after being stripped of his seemingly inevitable Giro title one stage from the finish), was so methodical and so tortuous to behold that it left no doubt in any of our minds that his intention was not only to win the 2000  TdF, but to eviscerate any rider who’s abscence or condition he felt somehow diminished his 1999 surprise win. Again, this is just one step removed from a conspiracy theory and I have no proof of it’s truth…but it sure seemed that way at the time.

Being young(ish), American (and thus inherently boorish), most likely slightly drunk at the time and having just witnessed LA’s vicious annihilation of his chief rivals, our next logical topic of discussion was just how much it must BURN the French and most of Europe’s cycling elite to be lit up by an upstart American. How did Marcellus Wallace put it? I think it went like this; “The night of the fight? You may feel a slight sting. That’s pride $!#@-ing with you.” You see in our minds, Lance represented all that was good about us as Americans – he’d overcome incredible adversity, he’d put on a display of willpower almost unprecedented in cycling and he’d left scorched earth in his wake. Shock and awe, baby. Damn. That’s gotta hurt.

So heavily fortified with hopped beverages and stuffed to the brim with nerdish fanboy enthusiasm and continental naivete, our conversation sort of spiraled off into random immaturity, but one of the central themes that I’ve always remembered from “the night LA ripped Pantani’s legs off” was, “What if the Europeans got a dose of a REAL ass-kicking American from the wrong side of the tracks? You know, like us – but with talent?” So we made up that rider on the spot. Along with his history and major characteristics.

His name?

Ricky von Ricky.

It still makes me giggle.

flo_mels_dinerAccording to legend (the one we collectively made up that night), Ricky von Ricky was the illegitimate redneck spawn of Flo the Waitress from “Alice” and Bukowski’s Henry Chinaski (”To all my friends!”). RvR had no redeeming social skills, or any tact to speak of. Raised in a bible-belt trailer park freqMickey_Rourke_Barflyuently beset by whirling tornados, roving bands of locusts and pushy door-to-door Kirby vacuum cleaner salesmen, young Ricky turned to sports. Except that he sucked. At all of them. Equal parts bad temperament, violent attitude and a complete lack of physical coordination, RvR tried out for, and was subsequently dismissed from his middle school’s (RvR did not attend high school)  football, baseball and basketball programs. And the chip on his shoulder? It grew three sizes that day.

As fate would have it, RvR soon discovered that he posessed not only an indomitable will, but the lungs of a draft horse, the unbridled power of a charging rhinocerous and the stamina of a young Wilt Chamberlain. Details of this momentous discovery are somewhat murky, but I’m pretty sure it involved a liquor store, 2 squad cars and a stolen Wal-mart bike with upturned handlebars, downtube shifters and 27″ (not 700c) wheels. Much to Ricky’s dismay, he found that he was a natural on the bike, and after winning each and every domestic race on the pro calendar (the ones he managed to not get kicked out of for fighting, lewd behavior or public drunkenness) he found himself on a plane headed to Europe.

MY_NAME_IS_KIDDDDRicky’s first years on the Euro circuit represented a period of intense personal growth. No longer the spindly schoolboy with greasy hair and a big attitude, Ricky’s on-the-bike and off-the-bike personas began to meld. Sporting a bleached blonde mullet, cannon-like quads and a slight beer-paunch, RvR’s personality could best be described as part unapologetically-white-trash Kid Rock and part preening-sociopath-showman-sadist, Ric “The Nature Boy” Flair (Woo!). ricflairRicky would attack out of the pack 2k into a 200k stage. And solo to victory. He’d chase down a break by himself and heckle those he’d overtaken. He was known to smoke cigarettes and drink Budweiser…during races. He frequently rode with a long string of garlicky Portuguese sausages strung around his neck. He was massively talented. And borderline insane. He also rocked a blue jean vest with cut-off sleeves. While he rode. Why? He “needed a place to put his smokes.”

He won everything in sight. And was the poorest winner in the history of mankind, endlessly needling his fellow riders on the podium, during interviews and in front of their women. Upon overtaking a breakaway he was known to unleash a lip-flapping belch reeking of stale beer and garlic, very much like Homer’s best friend Barney on “The Simpsons”. Passed riders were quickly demoralized by the ceaselessly pounding waves of his testosterone…and his prodigious odor. He was all that was wrong with America, and the Europeans were powerless to stop him. It was glorious.

Doomed to failure as a “proper ‘Merican athlete”, Ricky’s consolation prize was relegation to a position of Merckx-like dominance at the very highest levels of cycling. Except without one ounce of the charm. And he hated every minute of it. Nonetheless, he was a complete washout at everything else, so this was all he had. No member of the peloton was spared his taunting sarcasm, yet as they said about Eddy, they knew that when Ricky showed up, they were all “racing for second”. A big part of the problem was that back in Texahasseeklahoma-arkana, everyone just knew him as “that psycho dude that wears them funny tight shorts”. Anger at fate’s cruel twist quickly ratcheted up his pathological hatred of everything cycling-related (including and especially his fellow riders), yet continue to win he did, completely redefining the term “ugly American” in the process.

The comprehensive chronicle of Ricky’s exploits sort of lives in my head. Once in awhile, I’ll see a glimpse of him at the local Walmart (which is positively third-world in nature), in a post-race interview of  a televised NASCAR event or as some dude in jeans and a Starter jacket lets out war whoop as he skis a green run under a lift. One of these days I’ll really flesh him out and figure out a way to wrap up his story, but in the meantime 10 years have passed since his story was pulled out of the ether and in that time a long line of Americans have announced their presence with authority on continental soil. And because 10 years later we’re all still nerdish fanboys we’re eternally grateful. In an admittedly jingoistic way.

Thank you Lance Armstrong, for inspiring this piece of random immaturity. And for winning the 2000 Tour de France in such a jaw-droppingly amazing fashion.

Your pals,
The nerds at VeloGear.com
“dorkier than you”

PS: I’m supposed to throw in a few keywords here and there for the search engine police, so here goes: cycling gifts, cycling posters, road bike jerseys, retro cycling clothing, bike books, vintage wool jerseys and bicycle caps. There. Now everyone’s happy.